Self-esteem

Self-esteem is the way that your child values and thinks about themselves. It can affect how they feel and behave.

Self-esteem can be influenced by:

●      The beliefs that your child holds about themselves.

●      Your child’s expectations of themselves.

●      Your child’s strengths and weaknesses.

●      Other people in your child’s life, especially people they value. Your child may place more importance on their views.

What low self-esteem feels like

If your child has low self-esteem, they may:

●      Constantly blame themselves.

●      Lack confidence.

●      Feel worthless.

●      Feel like they’re not good enough.

●      Try to be perfect all the time.

●      Focus on their weaknesses.

●      Overlook their strengths and achievements.

●      Hold negative thoughts and beliefs about themselves.

There are some tips to help your child boost their self-esteem:

Create space for your child to share their feelings

Bottling up negative thoughts and emotions can cause them to build up over time. It’s important that young people feel comfortable enough to talk about their thoughts and feelings without feeling judged.

Talk to your child about how they’d like to communicate their worries with you. Set time aside in the day so your child is able to talk to you. Find out more about how you can help your child share their worries with you from the Parent Talk website.

Help your child recognise the effect of others

Other people can affect the way your child views or feels about themselves. It’s important for them to recognise when this is happening.

Suggest that they surround themselves with people who make them feel good about themselves and have a positive influence on their wellbeing.

If someone is making negative comments, or they make your child feel bad about themselves, suggest that your child tells them how this makes them feel. If the comments continue, your child can tell a trusted adult. Ask your child to think about whether this person is a good friend to them.

Be a role model

Setting a good example plays a key part in helping a child build their self-esteem and confidence.

When faced with challenges, be kind to yourself. This can help show the importance of positive language and affirmations.

Reassure your child they don’t need to be perfect

It’s important to strive to do our best. However, expecting to do things perfectly all the time can negatively affect self-esteem when we fall short.

Remind young people it’s OK to make mistakes because that’s how we learn and develop.

Encourage them to take part in activities they enjoy

Your child may withdraw from activities they normally enjoy because of low self-esteem and anxiety. Whilst this might help reduce anxiety in the short-term, it could feed into a cycle of avoiding things that make them anxious.

Encourage your child to take part in activities they enjoy. This can help restore their confidence and help boost their self-esteem.

Suggest keeping a gratitude journal

If your child has low self-esteem, they may expect that nothing will go right. This habit can lead them to ignoring all of the good things that are happening in their life.

Reminding themselves of the things they’re grateful for every day, can help improve their self-esteem. It can also refocus their attention on the positive things in their life.

Suggest they take a moment to note down something:

●      Positive about themselves.

●      That went well today.

●      They’re grateful for.

●      They’re excited about.

Get more support

Top tips for parents - supporting your child to understand and manage their emotions.

Parent Talk - Find further information and guidance to help you support your child who is struggling with low self esteem in the Action for Children website. For advice on your specific issue, speak to one of our parenting coaches.