Anger
Anger is a normal and useful emotion. It helps us to recognise and understand when things are not fair or right. It’s OK for your child to get angry at times but it is important for them to manage and show their anger in an appropriate way.
Anger can become a problem for your child if they feel out of control or aggressive. It can interfere with their behaviour, feelings and relationships.
What anger may look like
Being angry can make your child feel like they need to react to every little thing that happens. Anger can make them:
● Shout
● Scream
● Break things
● Hit other people
These are not helpful ways for them to manage their anger as they can end up hurting themselves or others. It can also lead to experience more difficult emotions like feeling guilty or upset.
Signs that your child is feeling angry
There are signs you may notice when your child is getting angry before they feel out of control. Your child may:
● Seem tense or hot
● Look red
● Seem like they are sweating
● Start breathing harder and faster
● Clench their fists and jaw
● Start pacing around the room
● Try to leave the room
● Frown or scowl
● Cry
● Not listen to reason
Not every child experiences all of these and they may show other signs. Help your child identify their signs and write them down. This will help them recognise their anger building up, so they can start to work on feeling calm.
Help your child discover what makes them angry
Helping your child identify when they’re angry is important to help them understand the source of their anger. Support them in keeping a journal to understand triggers and track any changes to their behaviour. They can make a note of:
● When they get angry.
● What made them angry.
● What they did afterwards.
In order to support your child, it is really helpful for you both to understand why children can struggle regulating emotions such as anger and why they can ‘flip their lid’.
Tips to help your child manage anger
● Help them practise deep breathing exercises. This will help their body relax.
● Ask them to count back from 20. This can serve as a distraction from the anger so they can respond later, when their mind is calmer.
● Suggest they think of a safe and relaxing place or person. This could be a beach or a park or someone who makes them feel safe.
● Encourage them to do something that they find calming. This might be listening to music, drawing, completing a jigsaw or doing something else that makes them feel safe.
● Practise the five senses grounding technique with them. This grounding technique can help distract your child from negative thoughts by bringing their attention to the present moment.
● Suggest the child walks away or leaves the situation safely. This deescalates the situation by giving them time to think and react in a way that is appropriate.
Get more support
Parent Talk: Find further information and guidance to help you support your child with behaviours that come when they're angry. See the Action for Children website. For advice on your specific issue, speak to one of our parenting coaches.